Chris Lilly's Blog # 1
I understand, dear reader, that you don't know me and there's literally no reason for you to continue reading, however, the goal with this blog is to not only allow you to get to know me but also help you.
"I had burnt myself out [again]..."
Before I get too far into this, a few highlights you should know about me is that I'm en ex-Mormon/LDS, gay, an elder Millenial, I have an obsession with Power Rangers (the Zordon era), love Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, I write Teen/YA (usually fantasy) short stories where all my lead characters are on the LGBTQ spectrum, and I have a spiritual, somewhat witchy, practice with tarot cards as it's centerpiece. Of course, I'm human, so I have more layers, but that'll at least get us started.
I've always felt I was the weird kid; the odd boy out; the loner -- even in my own family. Over the past few years, I've come to realize that I've been a people pleaser for most of my life. I put other people's feelings and needs before my own and made sure that my cup was the last to be filled.
"...I think I finally understand what I've been doing wrong."
Even after I had been living on my own in Los Angeles, created, wrote, and directed my web series Just Us Guys, about a gay dad who has a best friend relationship with his straight son -- essentially Gilmore Girls with guys -- and Elsie, a JUG spinoff, I don't think I trusted myself enough to have a [relatable] voice and was and possibly still am scared to be a leader.
In 2020 I got into reading tarot cards, was immediately inspired to use them to help writers overcome writer's block, and said to myself, "This is it! This is how I can help people without burning myself out. I can create my own little corner of helping others with my cards." I went all in. I got certified from Biddy Tarot and started a small business called Flow Your Mojo.
Thanks to adding a tart practice to me daily regime, I've been able to recognize my own energy levels [better] and trying to connect with the writers who need my help. As 2024 comes to a close, something hasn't been working and I think I finally understand what I've been doing wrong.
"So I stopped."
To catch you up real quick, I'm also an background actor for TV shows and movies. In 2023, the WGA (Screenwriters) and SAG (Actors) went on strike (rightfully so) and the industry has been trying to make a solid comeback ever since Covid hit. I spent this time focusing on building Flow Your Mojo, with more of a focus on authors because screenwriters were [are] struggling just as much as me.
Over the last two years I spent my time and energy putting my name out there to let people to know who I was and what I did. It's worked to an extent, however, all while doing this, I think I felt like I was not worthy to be an entrepreneur, a small business owner, or financially stable which has held me back. Some old wounds were opened at Thanksgiving 2024, rent was due, I felt alone, and scared, and like a failure. I even self published my first short story on my birthday, "Duncan, a Gay Teenage Witch," a series I've started that is a mix between Sabrina, the Teenage Witch and Monster High, but for some reason was not as excited or proud of myself as I should have been.
In the midst of all this, I reached out to fellow creatives and entrepreneurs and was advised to just stop, take a break, and just listen to the universe. I had burnt myself out [again] and needed someone else to tell me that. So I stopped. I put my tarot cards down, made a few fun pieces of content and some authentic videos about how I was feeling.
Then I saw Wicked.
"I was putting so much effort into wanting to help others that I left me out of the entire equation."
For those of you who don't know, Wicked started as a prequel book to "The Wizard of Oz." It was written by Douglas Maguire and depicts how Elphaba, aka The Wicked Witch of the West, became known as The Wicked Witch of the West, and has since been adapted into a Broadway Musical, and now a movie, asking the question, "Are people born wicked or is wickedness thrust upon them?"
Elphaba's story of being "the other," different, and the weird kid hit differently while seeing the movie than when I saw the Broadway show 15 years ago.
[Spoiler alert]
In Elphaba's big number, "Defying Gravity," she says:
"I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game..."
"It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap..."
"Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love, I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost..."
"And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free"
Everything I felt about being gay, different, unworthy, and scared was brought to the surface and I cried multiple times during the film. A few days later, after those emotions had [somewhat] settled, I discovered that I, too, needed to free myself from the pressure I had been placing on my own shoulders and defy gravity.
That's what I've been missing all my life and while promoting Flow Your Mojo.
What I realized is that I've been promoting myself with an empty cup. I was putting so much effort into wanting to help others that I left me out of the entire equation. I've been doing a disservice to my creativity, writing, my tarot practice(s), and the writers whom I want to help.
I need to remember to stand up for myself and what I believe in, no matter the cost. I have a relatable voice; an important voice, and I need to use it. I need to make sure that my emotional, physical, and spiritual cups are filled first, before I help others, otherwise I'm going be no use to them. I'm allowed to take up space, damn it!
In a Yin Yoga video that I frequently do from Travis Eliot on YouTube, I can't remember which one, he says a quote, something to the effect of "by slowing down, we move faster." It's a mindset about how most of society has too many distractions and responsibilities which is spreading us all too thin, which is why we can't get anything done or reach our own goals. Instead of focusing on the big picture, let's just focus on the next step, and then the next, and then the next. And that's what I need to do so that I can help you.
I'm human. [You're human, too.]
I have some limiting beliefs that need to be released so I can feel more confident in myself to be able to help you [writers/querents] effectively, and I'm not going to let these limiting beliefs hold me back anymore.
"I need to make sure that my emotional, physical, and spiritual cups are filled first, before I help others, otherwise I'm going be no use to them."
So...
What to expect from Chris Lilly's Blog:
This blog is going to be a practice for me; a practice to express putting my thoughts, voice, and experiences out into the world, to build my self confidence, self worth, and to take up space.
I'd like to invite you all on this journey with me in hopes that you find support for yourself, your own voice, and maybe even discover a new tool to add to your own writing toolbox.
I'll be revealing my creative process for everyone to see, giving a Behind-the -Scenes account of what I'm working on/creating, who I am, and embracing what I bring to the table. I want to express and show how tarot cards have helped me slow down and ground myself, not only in my real life, but also unlock my writer's block.
I'm planning on starting a podcast and providing writing prompts, 'how tos,' and to give you as much free information and value as I can while filling my own cup at the same time. I'm creating some tarot courses featuring The Hero's Journey, Save the Cat, and The Heroine's Journey for you as well.
I think we're all going to laugh, cry, feel anger, happiness, learn, grow, and heal some wounds all the while forming a community of people who understand what it means to be human.
Before I go...
I want to hear from you:
-- Have you ever felt burnt out trying to help others?
-- How did you find your way back to yourself?
-- Is there anything you'd like to see or learn about regarding tarot cards and creative writing?
-- What do you think will help you write your next book or screenplay?
Please subscribe up for my email list for special updates and let's defy gravity.
"Think of what we could do. Together."
--Elphaba, Wicked
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